Snark on Alchemy Podcast "Love Unscripted | The Love Archipelago"
- The Snark
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
“Welcome to the Love Archipelago - Pack Your Baggage”
Welcome to the latest episode of Alchemy, where Tim and LeeAnna embark on their Love Archipelago tour - aka, the emotionally fraught, infuriatingly complex, and, yes, occasionally ridiculous world of human love. Like a romanticized National Geographic documentary about love, but with more existential crises and fewer breathtaking landscapes. From “Eros the Bittersweet” to “Love as Animals Wandering the World,” this episode meanders through love’s chaotic, unpredictable, and, let’s be honest, emotionally exhausting islands, leaving you wondering why you’re even attempting to navigate this mess.
Island 1: "Eros the Bittersweet" - Or How the Chase is More Fun Than the Catch
We start the journey with Eros the Bittersweet - otherwise known as the love we crave, but don’t really want once we get it. Ah yes, the chase: that beautiful, intoxicating thing where we fool ourselves into thinking we want the relationship, only to lose interest the moment it becomes too “real.” LeeAnna gives us a dazzling metaphor (that we can only hope is tongue-in-cheek) of her “pool theory” - explaining that love is like some kind of mystical aquatic matchmaking exercise, with some of us swimming in Olympic-sized pools of possible partners while others are stuck with puddles (as someone once told her she was). Ouch. But let’s be real, this is love in the 21st century: you can’t just swipe right to “happily ever after.”
Tim breaks down the concept of Eros with the essay from Anne Carson - because who doesn’t love diving into the ancients’ thoughts about how love ultimately leads to disappointment? Oh, wait, we do. As Tim so eloquently reminds us, “We seek love, only to be faced with disappointment, and the desire for the next chase.” Yeah, Tim, that’s the reality check we all needed today. Thanks.
Island 2: "Love as an Existential Completeness" - You Complete Me, So Now What?
Next, we dock at Love as an Existential Completeness - the mythical land of “you complete me,” as we all roll our eyes at Jerry McGuire’s fevered declarations of soulmates in elevators. Seriously, is this island even real? Tim launches into the existential lore of Greek “human spheres” being cut in half by the Gods, and suddenly, we’re all supposed to believe that our perfect other half-sphere is out there, just waiting for us to find them in a coffee shop somewhere. Let’s take a moment to process: if your soulmate is anything like the characters in everyday life, it’s safe to say this island might not have the utopian vibes we’ve been sold.
Here’s where Tim and LeeAnna start hitting some serious cracks in the soulmate narrative. Does being “completed” really mean happiness? Is anyone in a “soulmate” relationship actually living in constant bliss, free of jealousy, doubt, or that delightful sense of feeling trapped? Tim digs deeper, pulling apart this “completeness” myth, wondering if these soulmates aren’t just creating emotional prisons for each other, instead of that happy-ever-after fairy tale.
LeeAnna’s sharp wit here is a highlight as she chimes in with, “You’ve suddenly become complete with a hot mess.” Oh, you mean like my last Bumble date, LeeAnna? Exactly. This island may be a place to visit, not live in.
Island 3: "Love as Animals Wandering Through the World" - Because Who Needs Romance When You’ve Got DNA?
We finally reach Love as Animals Wandering Through the World - the last and possibly most cynical stop on this journey. This is love stripped down to its primal roots, where attraction is more about biology than soul connection. Forget about looking for “the one” when you could be simply sniffing around for the best mate to continue the species. Tim, in all his wisdom, describes humans on this island as “animals,” driven by nothing more than the urge to perpetuate our DNA - basically a glorified mating ritual that’s harder to escape than the latest TikTok dance.
The problem with this island? It’s a harsh reality. As much as we romanticize love, we might all be just playing by our instincts and not realizing it. As Tim so helpfully suggests, “Like selecting the biggest fish for the table” - because that’s the kind of charming analogy we all need when thinking about how to pick a life partner. But LeeAnna (playing the role of Sarah in one of the dramatic readings) poses a question every writer should answer: “Are you suggesting we’re just instinct-driven animals following a biological script?” Yeah, but it’s a script that definitely includes Netflix and chips on the couch.
The Dramatic Readings - Where Tim and LeeAnna Go Full Shakespearean Drama
If you thought the conversation alone was enough, you haven’t experienced the beauty of Tim and LeeAnna’s dramatic readings. From Desire and Disappointment to Existential Completeness, and finally Love as Animals in the Wild, their performances should win some sort of award for overacting with style. Seriously, at some point, we’re left wondering if they’re auditioning for the next season of The Bachelor or performing for a live studio audience. It’s a podcast - yet somehow, it feels like a bizarre play.
Final Thoughts: "Love is Messy, Now Go Write About It"
At the end of this Love Archipelago tour, what are we left with? A whole lot of emotional wreckage, existential crises, and - yes - some very real truths about love. Writers, here’s your takeaway: love is a chaotic, messy, contradictory mess of desire, disappointment, connection, and primal urges.
So next time you sit down to write your characters' love stories, don’t hold back. Don’t give them the idealized version of love or the neat, romanticized Disney script. Make them struggle. Make them question. Let them live in the grey area. After all, if you’re not making your readers uncomfortable with the love your characters experience, are you really writing at all?
Here’s the truth: the more you embrace the paradox of love - the messier, the better. And remember: readers love the hot mess every time.
The Snark
Official podcast name: "Alchemy... from Effigy Press" (don't forget the ellipsis, folks)
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