The Snark takes a few (un)earned days off to visit Lisbon, Portugal
Writing Characters? Pile on the Calamities Like It’s 1755
The World Is Out to Get Your Characters – Embrace It
As writers, we love our characters. We cradle them through narrative arcs, grant them snappy dialogue, and occasionally treat them to a nice subplot romance. But let’s get one thing straight: the universe doesn’t care. Take a page (or a burning building) from the 1755 Lisbon earthquake, fire, and tsunami. It wasn’t enough for the earth to quake, razing much of the city during morning mass. Nope, then came the fires—flames courtesy of toppled candles for All Hallows’ Day observances. And just when you thought the worst was over? Bam, 40 minutes later a tsunami roared in to obliterate the smoking ruins. Bad luck isn’t just piling up (along with the body count); it’s doing backflips.
So, dear writers, when creating your character arcs, remember that nothing builds empathy and story tension like compounding disasters. Make the protagonist miss the bus, lose the big interview, get their wallet stolen, and find out their pet goldfish is plotting against them. Why? Because the narrative gods demand spectacle, and nothing spices up a plot like good old-fashioned misfortune.
Good Things Come in Threes – And By “Good,” We Mean Terrible
Ever heard of the rule of three? It doesn’t just apply to comedy; it’s a cornerstone of catastrophe. Lisbon’s triple whammy didn’t say, “One seismic catastrophe, then let’s call it a day.” It stacked the deck. An earthquake, a city-wide inferno, and a biblical-grade wave that made beachfront property decidedly less desirable. This is storytelling gold—er, saltwater-drenched rubble.
When crafting your novel, think in escalating disasters. Your hero survives the breakup? Great. Let their car break down on a desolate road. Then toss in a thunderstorm and a phone battery hovering at 1%. No need to thank me. The narrative gods are smiling. (Just… not on your characters.)
The Universe’s Cosmic Humor – Laugh or Burn
If Lisbon taught us anything, it’s that the universe occasionally operates with the comedic timing of a sadistic jester. Picture survivors stumbling out of rubble only to meet waves that make them seriously reconsider living by the sea. As a writer, this is your cue to unleash dark humor and irony. Did your character survive a house fire only to be doused by a water main break? Perfect. Give them a moment of wry observation. It’s the storytelling equivalent of shaking a fist at the heavens and laughing with one’s last gasp.
No Deus Ex Machina – Your Tsunami Won’t Save You
Ah, the temptation of a quick-fix plot device. But look back to Lisbon: the tsunami didn’t arrive as some convenient narrative cleanser to extinguish the fires. It came to wreak havoc with glee, leaving ashes soaked and tragedy complete. If you think your deus ex machina will rescue your characters without repercussions, think again. The tsunami isn’t here to put out your fires; it’s here to add salt. So let your characters grapple with the aftermath—scorched, soggy, and changed.
In conclusion, don’t be afraid to let the world (or universe) gleefully pile it on for your characters. After all, if Lisbon’s disastrous trifecta could stand the test of time, so can your character’s cataclysmic journey. Happy writing—and may your fictional catastrophes inspire awe.
The Snark
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