Secrets, Lies, and Why Functional Families Are Boring
Family secrets: the messy, combustible fuel for great stories and awkward Thanksgiving dinners. Writers have known this for centuries—after all, nothing hooks a reader like the looming threat of total familial collapse.
Enter Tim and LeeAnna, podcasting about the eternal drama of family dysfunction with the gusto of two people who’ve clearly thought about selling relatives on eBay at least once. A writer’s deep dive, three shock-worthy prompts, a Thomas Hardy spoiler, and twitchy curtain all around. If chaos is what you’re after, this appears to be ground zero (or the Hellmouth).
Secrets: Humanity’s Favorite Disaster
Families keep secrets for two reasons: shame and optimism. The shame part is obvious—no one wants to admit they “accidentally” set the garage on fire. The optimism? That’s the delusional hope that no one will ever find out. Spoiler alert: they always do.
Tim and LeeAnna get this… families pretending to be normal while hiding catastrophic skeletons in their closets? Not breaking new ground., but then again they’re not wrong: denial is a powerful adhesive, keeping everyone’s lives from falling apart. Until it doesn’t.
Still, there’s potential gold here for writers. A family torn apart by a long-hidden secret is the stuff of fiction dreams. Just be sure the secret has actual stakes. If your big reveal is, “Grandma faked liking your meatloaf,” maybe dig a little deeper.
Writers’ Prompts: A Squealing Bag of Ferrets for you – you’re welcome
Tim, bless him, offers a few writing prompts for the creatively stuck. First up: a deathbed confession. It’s a tried-and-true trope, and for good reason. There’s nothing like impending death to force someone to spill the beans. Of course, the real challenge is making that confession more than just melodramatic filler. Think less, “I hated the dog,” and more, “I stole the dog from your ex.”
Next, we’ve got a family fleeing their hometown to escape scandal. This one’s promising, even if it leans a bit on well-trodden ground. Tim’s obsession with the neighbors’ twitching curtains is endearing, though. It’s like he’s already imagining the local gossip mill churning out rumors by the hour.
And finally, there’s the Thanksgiving setup: one family member hints at exposing a terrible secret while everyone else silently prays they won’t. This one’s actually rich with possibility. Just don’t let the secret be lame—“I secretly hate cranberry sauce” doesn’t cut it. Go big, like, “I sabotaged Dad’s promotion.” Bonus points if someone flips off the turkey.
Selling Your Wife: A Thomas Hardy Classic
Now, about The Mayor of Casterbridge. Tim, ever the Hardy enthusiast, dives into the infamous wife-auction scene with the enthusiasm of someone who forgot the concept of spoilers. It’s an incredible setup: a man, drunk and impulsive, sells his wife and child at a fair. It’s also horrific, but hey, Hardy never claimed his characters made good choices.
Tim frames it as a “bad decision” the protagonist later tries to fix, while LeeAnna rightly points out that some things just aren’t fixable. Selling people? That’s a hard no. LeeAnna’s musings on whether the wife ended up better off with the buyer are oddly practical, though. Honestly, who wouldn’t upgrade from a guy who thought “auction” was an acceptable verb in those marriage vows?
What makes Hardy’s setup so compelling isn’t just the scandal—it’s the ripple effect. One catastrophic choice sets off a chain reaction, dragging everyone down with it. Writers, take note: if you want your story to land, don’t just make your characters mess up—make the consequences unforgettable.
Embrace the Dysfunction
At its heart, this podcast episode is a reminder that family dysfunction is the gift that keeps on giving. Tim and LeeAnna’s enthusiasm for messy drama, anarchy and madness is contagious. And they’re right: secrets are where the best stories begin.
So, lean into the chaos. Write about deathbed confessions, ruined Thanksgivings, and secrets so scandalous they make neighbors peek through curtains. And remember, functional families might be nice in real life, but they’re boring as hell on the page.
Oh, and if you ever feel stuck, just imagine Tim and LeeAnna arguing about the finer points of wife auctions. Now that’s a story worth telling.
The Snark
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