The Snark | Wake Up, You Snowflakes: Torture Your Readers

They’re Begging for It!

Alright, writers, let’s talk. I know what you’re thinking: “Do I really want to put my readers through the emotional wringer?” The answer is, of course, yes. It’s the only reason anyone reads your stuff. They’re begging for it. Oh sure, they say they want love stories and happy endings. They claim they just want a nice, tidy plot with a cute little twist and maybe a dog that survives. But deep down, they’re all secretly hoping you’ll throw them into an emotional blender, hit ‘liquefy,’ and serve them something bitter. Just like the rest of the world, they crave chaos and pain—and you’re the one who’s going to give it to them.

Let’s break it down, shall we? You don’t think your readers are demanding the emotional apocalypse? Well, they are. And if you’re not giving it to them, you’re doing the literary equivalent of serving plain oatmeal. You’re boring them.

Enter the "Last Selfie"—It's Not Just a Picture, It’s a Plea for Pain

If you haven’t heard about it yet, here’s your first education: the AI-generated “Last Selfie” (credit to @robotoverlords for that delightfully dystopian masterpiece). In July 2022, this little digital gem exploded across TikTok like a meme apocalypse. It shows a bunch of poor souls snapping selfies just as humanity’s about to be vaporized in some kind of nuclear holocaust. Of course, this had to be shared tens of millions of times, because, well, who doesn’t want to look at a picture of people looking at their phones just before they’re about to die in a fiery apocalypse? These images, though totally fictional, are haunting. And guess what? Your readers want that—they want to feel like they’re staring down the end of days while you drip-feed them tiny bits of hope that you know you’re never going to deliver.

Let’s get serious for a minute: how many of your readers are really reading to be inspired? Most of them are probably hoping you’ll go full “Last Selfie” and give them a taste of the sweet, bitter, chaotic end. So why not give it to them? Torture them with the slow burn of a coming disaster. Readers will think they’re enjoying the ride, but deep down, they’ll know what you’re really doing—breaking them down piece by piece.

What Do You Mean “Humans Love a Good Apocalypse”? They’re DYING for It.

Now, we come to the climate change quote from Zack Bornstein: “Climate change will manifest as a series of disasters viewed through phones with footage that gets closer and closer to where you live until you're the one filming it.” Ha! Oh yes. Isn’t that just the most beautiful thing you’ve ever read? It’s tragic, it’s depressing, and it’s exactly the way we all secretly want the world to end. We want our catastrophes delivered to us in 4K through our phones, thanks to some natural disaster or political mess. And while we’re watching it, we can scroll through our social feeds to make sure we’re keeping up with the latest bad news.

Here’s what this quote really says about your readers: they’re overwhelmed with disaster fatigue, but they still want more. So, give it to them. Give them chaos, give them doom, and give them that one character who just can’t seem to get out of the way of it. Make them squirm. Hell, make them cry. It’s not about creating some feel-good ending where everyone miraculously survives. No, it’s about making your readers experience the absolute worst possible thing they can think of—and watching them willingly eat it up. That’s your job as a writer. You’re the emotional sadist here, not the therapist.

Your Readers Aren’t Here for a Happy Ending—They’re Here for a Big, Fat Twist

You think your readers are here for the “Happy Ever After” and all that nonsense? Wrong. They’re here to be emotionally wrecked, confused, and ultimately twisted into something darker. They came for the good stuff—the blood, sweat, and tears. But you know what they really came for? A plot that doesn’t go the way they think it should. I mean, come on, that’s what we’re all here for, right? No one wants to read about some perfect couple riding off into the sunset. They want the twisted, broken, messed-up journey to the sunset, and they want it full of interruptions. They’re dying to be taken on a ride of emotional highs and lows.

And you’re the one to give it to them. So when your character is about to reach that wonderful catharsis? Rip it away, just like you’re snatching the last cookie before they get their hands on it. Make them doubt everything, make them question their morals, and force them into the situation that might break them for good. Writers: embrace the chaos. Create that world where everything looks beautiful, but the floor falls out from beneath them—and make sure your readers feel every second of it.

Don’t Feel Bad About Breaking Your Characters—They’re Just Fictional, After All

Lastly, a special note to you: Don’t feel sorry for your characters. You think they won’t appreciate the emotional wreckage? Of course, they’ll hate you for it, but trust me, they’ll thank you later—if not through tears, then through how much your story hurts. And that’s what readers crave! Torture your characters, make them question everything they believe about love, fate, and life, and make your readers root for them even when it looks like they’re spiraling into madness. The more messed up it gets, the better the story. It’s just the nature of the beast.

Final Thoughts: Stop Playing It Safe and Go Get ‘Em, Writer

The truth is, readers love chaos. They want the world to burn, and they want to watch your characters run around like headless chickens trying to make sense of it. The more you mess with their expectations, the more they’ll stay with you—and isn’t that what we all want? To create stories that keep readers coming back, even if it’s just to feel better about their own messed-up lives?

So, next time you write a character facing a crisis, don’t be afraid to make them flail, fail, and totally lose it. Show them panicking, spiraling, or sitting in silence as the world crumbles around them. That is where the magic happens. And if your readers don’t come out of the experience with their emotions shaken and stirred, you’ve missed the point.

In short: torture your readers—they’ll love you for it.

The Snark